Here I am in a geriatric ward of a psychiatric hospital Clinical depression over a long period of time Is my diagnosis I’ve come for electric shock therapy My new psychiatrist says it will Give me a whole new life Can I be sure? |
| Most of the patients are depressed like me But some suffer from dementia and Their state of mind renders me numb I sit alone in my room Earphones giving me music To drown out the mental noise |
| I don’t like the routine I like my home routine But I am compliant And vulnerable That’s what happens when you go there Your will surrenders to the ones in charge. |
| Everything is stark Naked minds roaming the halls Meals are served in a small dining room Some like to eat Some don’t like the food I am disappointed with what is on my plate. |
| Here I am in hopes of renewal, rebirth Yet what I see discourages me I want to go home Back to the familiar, even the depression What is known is far easier than the unknown Will this treatment be right for me? |
| It’s nearly 5 am and I am ready I’m dressed in hospital clothes Too small for my large frame I hold the folds close to my chest As the wheelchair is pushed into The bowels of the old hospital. |
| We sit in a row Awaiting a fate unknown I am called to see the doctor in charge His face is stern and detached Yet he gets his face close to mine Ready to discuss my fate. |
| I can hear his words But it’s like I am deaf I am not a candidate for ECT he says There is danger because I have had a stroke A year ago I am wheeled back to my room. |
| What next? The doctor on the unit Suggests it is a good time To adjust my medications I wish I had gone home then I liked my pills they way they were. |
| But I stayed a few days Tried new medications Addressed the chronic back pain Overwhelmed by the demented ones I went to another unit It was strangely quiet. |
| When it was time to leave I was relieved I had accomplished nothing Went back on my original medications And went out the door a wounded soldier Home from a war of the mind. |
| Sheila W. Mooney |
| Sept 2009 |