Love Denied


He didn’t know how to love her
He couldn’t love his children
At night he would take the babies to bed
Holding them away from him instead of cuddling them
It was as though he were carrying a tub of water
She was beside herself, it wasn’t always this way.
When she met him in college
He showered her with affection
Gave her handwritten love poems
Folded tight in his pocket
She had no reason but to love him
He was everything she ever wanted.
They loved to dance together
He took her out to eat in nice restaurants
They talked a lot, loved a lot
When he was away he called every Saturday
She basked in his attention
And celebrated their love with long letters.
There was no reason to doubt him
She overlooked small hints about his character
Her father later said he was not their kind of people
He was right, she knew
But at the time she was in love
And couldn’t see the truth.
In her long reflections on the matter
She thought of the survival training he endured
Maybe it closed him off somehow
Made it so he couldn’t be truly intimate
She tried every way she knew to change him
Knowing full well you can’t change someone, only yourself.
The years passed and her discontent grew
She wanted to be free of him
Wanted him to go away
And take his sterile ways with him
She paid a price for her inaction
And finally walked out the door.
What of the children?
She agonized about their care and well being
Was there a way she could care and support them
Her life had been to nurture them
She had no money, no job, no credit
Her checkbook showed about twenty dollars.
On the other hand he had a very good job
There was the house near the school
She hated it, found it hard to be inside it
She found a small apartment with a loan from a friend
Then there was a job at a mental health clinic
A glimmer of hope shone in her eyes.
With pain in her heart she concluded
The children were better off with him
Except he didn’t know how to love them really
And to be honest she was drained of love
Starving for attention and intimacy
Depression plagued her all the time.
She didn’t like herself very much any more
That’s what happens when you give and don’t get love in return
It was too painful to be with the children and she avoided them
All the while in her heart longing for a way to have them with her
The four of them in safety, love flowing freely
She reached for the dream but never touched it.
He went off to marry another
She moved back to the state they came from
She had a good job
He had a great job
She had no desire to be in a relationship
Much less to marry again.
The children grew and left their nest
She wondered what their battle scars were
She knew her own scars from love unreturned
Sometimes she remembered those love poems
Tucked carefully in a pocket
And given with tender love.
Many years later she found the love of her life
A man who knew how to love her
A man she could love in safety
The sorry past retreated
She blossomed in the warmth of his attention and affection
Her father would have loved him.
SWM April 2010



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