| He didn’t know how to love her He couldn’t love his children At night he would take the babies to bed Holding them away from him instead of cuddling them It was as though he were carrying a tub of water She was beside herself, it wasn’t always this way. |
| When she met him in college He showered her with affection Gave her handwritten love poems Folded tight in his pocket She had no reason but to love him He was everything she ever wanted. |
| They loved to dance together He took her out to eat in nice restaurants They talked a lot, loved a lot When he was away he called every Saturday She basked in his attention And celebrated their love with long letters. |
| There was no reason to doubt him She overlooked small hints about his character Her father later said he was not their kind of people He was right, she knew But at the time she was in love And couldn’t see the truth. |
| In her long reflections on the matter She thought of the survival training he endured Maybe it closed him off somehow Made it so he couldn’t be truly intimate She tried every way she knew to change him Knowing full well you can’t change someone, only yourself. |
| The years passed and her discontent grew She wanted to be free of him Wanted him to go away And take his sterile ways with him She paid a price for her inaction And finally walked out the door. |
| What of the children? She agonized about their care and well being Was there a way she could care and support them Her life had been to nurture them She had no money, no job, no credit Her checkbook showed about twenty dollars. |
| On the other hand he had a very good job There was the house near the school She hated it, found it hard to be inside it She found a small apartment with a loan from a friend Then there was a job at a mental health clinic A glimmer of hope shone in her eyes. |
| With pain in her heart she concluded The children were better off with him Except he didn’t know how to love them really And to be honest she was drained of love Starving for attention and intimacy Depression plagued her all the time. |
| She didn’t like herself very much any more That’s what happens when you give and don’t get love in return It was too painful to be with the children and she avoided them All the while in her heart longing for a way to have them with her The four of them in safety, love flowing freely She reached for the dream but never touched it. |
| He went off to marry another She moved back to the state they came from She had a good job He had a great job She had no desire to be in a relationship Much less to marry again. |
| The children grew and left their nest She wondered what their battle scars were She knew her own scars from love unreturned Sometimes she remembered those love poems Tucked carefully in a pocket And given with tender love. |
| Many years later she found the love of her life A man who knew how to love her A man she could love in safety The sorry past retreated She blossomed in the warmth of his attention and affection Her father would have loved him. |
| SWM April 2010 |